


The Even Chance; Or, How Horatio Got His Groove Back

by FlirtyFroggy



Series: Hornblower Commentaries [1]
Category: Hornblower (TV)
Genre: Commentary, Episode reviews, Essays, Meta, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-10
Updated: 2011-07-10
Packaged: 2017-10-21 05:44:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/221587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlirtyFroggy/pseuds/FlirtyFroggy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ok, so I don't think Horatio actually ever had a groove. How Horatio Got His Groove in The First Place might be a better title. Nevermind.This review should be a bit different from the others I've done; I usually only see BSG twice (the initial broadcast on Tuesday and then the repeat on Wednesday) before I write my review of it, whereas I have Hornblower on DVD so I've seen it <s>many many</s> a few times. I will try to resist the urge to do a recap of Archie's every facial expression, but forgive me if I point out a few pause-button-worthy moments. Here we go...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Even Chance; Or, How Horatio Got His Groove Back

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Bamber Bunnies](http://www.bamberbunnies.com/) July 2008. Probably doesn't make a lot of sense if you're not familiar with the TV series. Somewhat Archie-focused as ~~I love him~~ it was written for a Jamie Bamber fansite. For the same reason, this series of commentaries does not cover Archie-less episodes.

'Twas a dark and stormy night. Day. Whatever. Either way, it's throwing it down and the young man being rowed towards the Justinian does not look best pleased. A man stands on the deck of the ship and greets the boat. Little does our hero know that this young man will become ~~his lover~~ a very important person in his life. Horatio clambers inexpertly aboard the ship, almost losing his hat in the process, and is helped aboard by Archie, who introduces him to Lieutenant Eccleston. Absolutely everything about him is gauche and awkward, to the point where you cringe on his behalf. He couldn't look more out of his depth if he had a big flashing sign over his head saying 'New boy over here! Completely out of his depth, you know!' Eccleston is kind and tells him to get below and get warm, rather than just throwing him overboard.

Archie leads Horatio and the audience through the ship, informing us that the Navy is idling, waiting for war, and hoping that 'the unpleasantness in France may come to something.' The French have just arrested Louis and Archie asks Horatio 'What do you think they'll do with him? You can't kill a king,' conveniently forgetting, for the sake of exposition, that you can, in fact, kill a king and the English had done so about 160 years previously. Archie is, shall we say, very much of his time in this scene. You might think that life on board ship in the 18th Century would make a person a bit more sympathetic to the plight of starving peasants, but obviously not.

Archie introduces Horatio to the other midshipmen, who are, erm, less kind than Eccleston was. Hether and his friend (whose name escapes me entirely) taunt him for his obvious lack of knowledge and experience, as well as taking the mickey out of his name (something which, to be frank, I'm astounded only happens once during the whole series), and we find out Horatio is seventeen, which is a little old to be just starting out. Archie confines himself to grinning at their jokes, though he joins in with the general laughter when Horatio throws up in the corner. Bad Archie! That's no way to treat your future boyfriend.

Captain Keene arrives on board, an event which is preceded by a totally unnecessary (but lovely) shot of Archie staring out to sea. I'm thinking maybe the director was a bunny and nobody's told us. Keene meets with Horatio in his cabin. Hurrah! More Exposition! Horatio is the son of a doctor and has been accepted onto the ship as a favour to said doctor because he saved the captain's life. More interestingly, his father says he is 'a solitary boy' and Horatio tells us he was not very good at school, though whether this is the truth or just modesty is unclear.

We then see Horatio in the Mess with the other midshipmen. He seems to be getting on a little better with them now; the new boy is starting to gain acceptance. That is, until it all goes pear-shaped when The Devil Himself (who apparently goes by the name of Simpson) appears. He is a nasty piece of work. We know this because there is Dramatic Music. Archie suddenly finds the table fascinating. Seriously, there must be porn etched onto it or something. Simpson proceeds to bully and humiliate everyone at the table before ordering Archie to wake Horatio every half hour throughout the night and then making Horatio dance.

There then follows a couple of scenes to illustrate the evilness of Simpson, just in case we hadn't grasped it. Archie has a fit in the middle of the night and is aided by Horatio and Clayton. 'What ails him?' Horatio asks. Clayton's response ('What ails us all?') is accompanied by a Significant Look in Simpson's direction and more Dramatic Music. We then see Horatio (who, to add to his woes, is afraid of heights) being tricked into climbing the rigging by Styles (no Dramatic Music) and then left up there by Simpson (with Dramatic Music).

The midshipmen are having a lesson (not history, presumably) and Keene is fabulously, gloriously sarcastic as he derides their efforts. Except Horatio's. Horatio, it turns out, is a navigational genius. Hmm. I wonder if this will be Important later. The camera rests on Archie and Simpson as Keane tells Horatio that he'll end up leaving everybody else behind. Archie looks downhearted and glances at Simpson, who looks livid. Archie knows exactly what will happen next.

Simpson comes striding into the Mess and announces it's time re-instate the inquisition before pretending to think about who will be the subject of said inquisition. Archie appears to have got over his love of tables and has now transferred his attention to his book (perhaps this _is_ porn). I have to commend Jamie's acting in this scene; Archie's every thought is written across his face. What he's thinking is this: 'If I just sit here and read this book, maybe this will all go away. I am so absorbed in what I am reading that I cannot see anything going on around me. I have also gone temporarily deaf.' Poor Archie. So afraid. *hugs Archie* *also hugs Horatio, who is about to get the living Hell kicked out of him*.

If Simpson's power over others comes from him knowing secrets nobody else knows, why does the inquisition take place in front of the other midshipmen? Surely that would dilute the potency of Simpson's knowledge? (I'm assuming here that the process was similar for all of them). Archie does absolutely nothing to stop any of what happens but, to his credit, he doesn't participate either, unlike Hether and friend. But it doesn't matter, because Clayton comes to the rescue. 'Stand off Jack. Or by God, I'll trim the wall with your brains.' Nobody talks like this anymore, which is a crying shame.

Boo! Hiss! Mr Eccleston isn't kind at all. Either that or his secret desire to tie Horatio up has finally got the better of him. I really like Ioan's reading of the oh so ironic letter to his father. The 'I am happy here' is especially poignant. Something about the slight pause between 'happy' and 'here' makes it seem like he's saying being here is what is making him happy, rather than he's happy and just happens to be here.

'The beating he gave you, that was nothing. Believe me. You don't know half what he's capable of.' What exactly is he capable of that's worse than what he's already done? I mean, I can certainly think of worse things, but is that really what Clayton means?

There is some unimportant plot stuff that exists purely so Horatio and Simpson can end up playing cards in a pub with a couple of strangers. Simpson accuses Horatio of cheating. I cannot recall if there is dramatic music; probably there is. 'There is only one way now in which satisfaction can be given.' I'm sorry, I know he's challenging Simpson to a duel, I know it's serious, I know he's probably going to die, but my mind goes straight to the gutter with this one. Though I'm disappointed Horatio can only think of one way. Perhaps he shouldn't have been such a solitary boy.

'A duel? Are you mad?' Archie is brilliant and adorable here, though I have no idea why I find it so brilliant and adorable. 'He'll kill you, certain sure' is another of those things that no-one says anymore, though I think the world (or at least my day) would be vastly improved if they did. Also, 'Simpson's reckoned one of the best shots in the Navy'. Pay attention. This will be Important later.

Clayton knocks Horatio out and takes his place in the duel. He and Simpson fire, wounding each other. Archie rushes over to Clayton; everyone else rushes over to Simpson. I wouldn't have thought he'd be so popular. Personally, I'd have left him to die in the snow. This is an important moment and I wish I had more to say about it but I don't, except that it's interesting that Archie is there (to support Clayton? To watch Simpson die?) and no-one, not even Jamie Bamber, can make those hats look good.

Horatio rushes into the pub to find Clayton dying on the bed upstairs. He glances Archie, who shakes his head. No hope. Archie's history may be rusty but apparently his medical knowledge is top-notch. Horatio has no idea what to say to Clayton, which is good, and very Horatio. What is there really for him to say? I like that, after his little speech about standing up to Simpson, Clayton's last words are kind of random, which is very real. And also rather moving as Clayton's world goes dark.

Exposition!Archie strikes again. His memory really is terrible. This time he's forgotten to give a frak about his dead friend in his eagerness to tell Horatio that Louis XVI is dead. I can forgive him, though, because he looks so lovely with that smile on his face. I am so very shallow.

More exposition!Archie, this time with slightly better memory. They're off to the Indefatigable, which Archie is very excited about before remembering that Clayton 'always wanted to serve on a frigate'. Poor dead Clayton. Poor guilt-ridden Horatio. Poor, erm, pretty Archie, who is either so sunk in denial that he's forgotten his part in the whole affair, or is just so relieved to be getting away from Simpson that he can't keep from bubbling over.

Rowing out to the Indy - Archie looks like a kid at Christmas; Horatio looks marginally less pissed off than he did when being rowed to the Justinian. Perhaps he just doesn't like being rowed places.

Big speech from Captain Pellew about the truly great English values ( ~~eyeing up pretty young midshipmen~~ fighting, working hard, and killing the French). I adore Robert Lindsay. I don't think I've ever seen him in anything where I didn't think he was brilliant. The new arrivals all take their hats off and cheer, except Horatio. He waits until Pellew takes his off and cries 'God Save the King', then does likewise, looking like he might explode with pride. Awww, bless.

Meeting between Horatio and Pellew in the Captain's cabin. Horatio, despite the fact that he's getting a grilling from his new captain, is much more confident than the Horatio we saw in the similar scene on his arrival on the Justinian. Captain Pellew is also, clearly, a very different man from Captain Keene. 'I judge a man by what I see him do, not what others tell me he has done.' After yelling at him for ten minutes about the follies of pride, duelling, vanity and depriving the Navy of its officers by allowing them to die in your place he gives him command of Simpson's old division. 'You will make them work, or you will pay.'

Horatio inspects his new division, who show just enough outward respect to avoid getting hung, but no more. Styles is funny and Horatio doesn't really know what to do, but holds it together reasonably well.

Horatio catches his division betting on how many rats Styles can catch and kill with his teeth. Somewhat disturbingly, he is more bothered about the gambling part than the killing rats with his teeth part. Gotta love those 18th Century values. Two things about this scene: 1) 'I could bring charges against every man Jack of you'. Seriously, I'm going set up some sort of petition to bring this sort of language back. And while we're doing that, we can bring back bowing and kissing the backs of ladies' hands. 2) Possibly more importantly, this is not the same Horatio we saw at the beginning of this episode. He doesn't have their respect yet, but he's much more confident in his position and himself. Also, there's an impressive (if slightly obvious) bit of manipulation when yells at them, gives them a second chance, then says that Styles won the bet. I doubt the Horatio who boarded the Justinian would have been capable of that.

Archie announces the approach of an enemy ship in a manner that make me suspect he gets his kicks leaping randomly round corners yelling 'hands to quarters, hands to quarters!'

'Did you see me? Did you see?... I killed two. Well, one certainly.' Oh, Archie. I'd hug you like you'd never been hugged were it not for the fact that you're covered in blood and grinning in a very disturbing way. Archie may have been in the service for a while (though I don't think it's ever really made clear just how long), but this is clearly his first fight.

Clunk! Clang! What's that sound? That sound is the writing in this next scene. After the perfunctory funeral for Horatio's dead division member, Styles thanks Horatio for his attempt to save the man's life, Horatio thanks Style and the men in return for their work, and we are treated to a really nasty piece of writing. 'A salute? Well, it's a start I suppose.' No no no no. No. Not necessary. We get the significance of the moment and we can see what Horatio is thinking. Have a little faith in your audience, please. A little faith in your actors wouldn't go amiss either.

Horatio is given command of one of the prize ships. Archie is ... ambivalent about this. You can see he's genuinely happy for his friend, but there's envy creeping in there too. 'Your first command, Horatio. Congratulations,' are the last words Archie will speak in this entire episode.

We now enter a long period of Archielessness. 'Tis a vast desert; a great wilderness filled with nothing but emptiness and longing. Oh, and Horatio commands a ship. Pffft. Big deal.

Horatio has clearly won the respect of his men or, at the very least, they are now prepared to give him a chance and help him out. Matthews and Styles know that he is completely out of his depth, but they now help instead of hindering, steering him towards the course of action he doesn't yet have the experience to know he should take. This is more obvious in Matthews, who is a kindly soul at heart, but in a lot of ways is more remarkable in Styles, who has always been more openly disrespectful. I love the close up on Horatio's shaking hands when he's alone in his cabin. Not sure that 'what do I do now?' is really necessary, but I can live with it. It's better than the salute thing.

Horatio has a sledgehammery dream where he remembers the battle and realises the ship has been holed (or possibly hulled?). To make up for the lack of Archie we are granted the gift of wet, shirtless Horatio as he dives under the ship to take a look at the whacking great hole that is going to screw up his first command. I also quite like the jacket-but-no-shirt look. They should dress like that all the time. It would save on laundry.

After various attempts to save the ship and various fights with the French captain, during which we meet exasperated!Horatio, who I rather like, they abandon the ship and her cargo.

Telling us that this is the Indy's hunting ground doesn't make it any more believable when she shows up just in the nick of time, you know.

The French take control of the boat and Horatio is all narrow-eyed and smirky. 'Fish for it.' Never fear! Our hero has a cunning plan! Of course, he's a navigational genius. How foolish of us to forget!

'Sir! It's the Indy!' My God. What are the chances, eh?

They return to the Indy, where Styles is the keenest of all to sing Horatio's praises. Horatio has won the battle for the respect and loyalty of the men of his division once and for all, but he still has a much more personal battle to fight. Hmm, I wonder if he'll get his chance soon. Archie looks pleased at his ~~boy~~ friend's return, but says nothing.

They're sailing through fog when Horatio spots a French ship. We know it's a French ship because it's a ship and it's flying a French flag, yet the writers still feel the need for Horatio to say 'My God, the Frenchmen'. *beats head against desk*. Gah! Why? Why? There's wreckage of an English ~~woman's sanity~~ ship in the water. Horatio (who else?) goes out in a boat to find survivors.

Holy coincidence, Batman! It's Simpson! (Dramatic Music).

The captain and officers gather to hear Simpson's story of what happened to the Justinian. Archie has rediscovered his fascination for tables. It's good to see a man so dedicated to his interests. I have to point out that I've rarely seen Jamie (or anyone else for that matter) look quite as beautiful as Archie does in this scene. He just looks stunning. And so very very young. Simpson sheds crocodile tears for Captain Keene, to the great embarrassment of all (except Horatio and Archie, who have other things on their mind). Robert Lindsay has the uncomfortable, repressed Englishman thing down pat and is brilliant. Horatio and Archie sit in silence while we hear them both remembering Simpson's words in voiceover. While this is not in the same league of horribleness as the salute thing it's still definitely leaning towards hokey. I would say it's not needed at all (we know they're dwelling on previous encounters with Simpson, we're not idiots), except we are given the very interesting information that the words Archie remembers ('The little coward's pissed himself') are not about him, or directed towards him, but about Horatio. I'm not sure what to make of this. Is Archie so ~~enamoured of~~ concerned for Horatio that his own experiences become insignificant? Is it because Archie associates the words with the duel where Clayton died and Simpson didn't? Is it because this actually happened to Archie and hearing Simpson say it about Horatio just brought the humiliation back? Is that why Simpson said it in the first place? The Voiceover of Doom comes to an end and Horatio and Archie exchange ~~loving~~ meaningful looks. And I just about manage to refrain from throwing myself at the screen and licking it. Oh god, those _eyes_.

Archie is alone in a random room, retrieving his hat, when Simpson comes in. 'Jack's missed you, boy.' Ok, what exactly has been going on with these two? It's not actually what I think it is, is it? Does anyone know? Has Jamie ever said in interviews or anything? Because this scene is decidedly ominous. Horatio comes in and points out to Simpson that 'these are new times.' This is an important point which Horatio has obviously grasped but which has escaped Simpson. And also, tragically, Archie.

Preparing for the mission to cut out the Papillon, Horatio asks Archie if he's nervous. He doesn't seem to notice that he's gone a bit beyond nervous. Archie, as a result of the stress caused by Simpson's return, ends up having a fit in the boat. Horatio's helpful response is a hissed 'Archie, shut up.' This is about as effective as trying to shoo away a lion.

Poor Archie. Clobbered over the head with a rudder by your ~~boy~~ best friend. Not the most dignified of exits.

The crew board the Papillon and Horatio and his division set about doing something with the sails. Or some rope. I don't know. They're high up, anyway, that's the important point. Simpson takes the opportunity to cut loose the jolly boat where Archie still lies unconscious. Horatio happens to look down at this point to see Archie drifting off into ~~episode 3~~ the distance. Unfortunately, before our hero has chance to do more than look confused and say 'Archie?' (no, actually, it's the other midshipman you knocked unconscious with a rudder) he is shot in the head by Simpson. Who is standing an awfully long way away on the deck. He's one of the best shots in the Navy, see? Not quite good enough, though, as he only clips him on the temple. It's enough to knock him off balance. Horatio plummets into the sea and is rescued by Finch.

Back on deck, Horatio informs Lieutenant Eccleston that Simpson is an evil, treacherous, murdering frakwit (I may be paraphrasing slightly here). Eccleston informs Horatio in turn that this is perhaps not the time to deal with it, what with them being under attack and all, and proves his point by getting blown up. Horatio's division come running to check that he is alright. With his last words, Eccleston leaves Horatio in command of the ship. Simpson is Not Pleased by this turn of events. He shouts and screams a lot about how he should have command, something which is infinitely less scary than his usual cool, calm delivery. He loses control and loses power.

Styles and Matthews (Simpson's old division) arrest Simpson under Horatio's orders. Horatio is all commandery, which is very enjoyable, but I doubt even the most fangirly of fangirls could enjoy it as much as Mr Bowles seems to. Horatio and the Papillon, as a result of one of Horatio's clever ruses, save the Indefatigable from almost certain destruction. Pellew is, understandably, quite pleased by this. Pleased enough to allow Horatio to go off and get himself killed fighting a duel with Simpson. Is this the Royal Navy equivalent of being rewarded for good work by being given more work to do?

Simpson and Horatio stand back to back on a beach preparing to fight their duel. 'I'm going to kill you snotty. Just as I killed Clayton. And your little pal, Archie.' To which Horatio replies, 'Kennedy?' He may be a brilliant tactician and navigator but, those skills aside, he's not the brightest bulb in the box, is he? How many other recently-dead Archies does he know? Do the writers think we've forgotten all about him in the ten minutes since he floated off?

Simpson cheats and fires first, wounding Horatio in the shoulder. Horatio, all noble, refuses to return fire when Simpson begs for his life, saying he's not worth the powder. Simpson goes mental, tries to stab Horatio in the back, and is shot by Captain Pellew who is standing about three miles away half-way up the cliff.

Back on the Indefatigable, Horatio and the captain have a little heart-to-heart. Pellew reprises his line about judging a man by his actions not by hearsay, but this time it's said as a compliment not a warning. He then tells Horatio 'I see something in you,' a line which, uttered by anyone else, would be a bit crap. But Lindsay makes it work. Just.

Horatio stands on the deck and watches over the ship. His feet are planted firmly, his shoulders square, his back straight. He couldn't look more different from the stumbling, bumbling young man who almost lost his hat climbing aboard the Justinian. We see a close-up of his hands - steady as a rock.

 

Wow, I seem to have rambled on a bit. Sorry about that. This has also turned out a lot more snarky than I intended, but Hornblower (and I mean this in the nicest possible way) just begs to be made fun of. Rest assured, I mock because I care.


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